Bitter Barn: Population, Me.

I am SO done with this residency shit.

I am tired of having no control over my life.

I am tired of working my ass off for crappy pay.

I am tired of being the lowest rung on the ladder, and people thinking that they can shit on me as a result of that.

I am tired of having to listen politely while staff doctors bash each other incessantly.

I am tired of constantly being made to feel as though I know NOTHING, even if what I am currently not knowing is not something that I have ever come across before and will never use in my specialty of choice.

I am tired of the feeling that there are not enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do as well as I want to do it.

I am tired of every second of my day being taken up by SOMETHING, leaving me no time at all to do nothing. I miss doing nothing.

I'm tired of people expecting me to show up to things that waste my time, just because I'm told to. Sitting through the same academic half days that I sat through during my maternity leave is NOT helpful, nor is sitting through ICU rounds when the topic is the utility and outcomes of various strategies of hemodialysis. 

I'm tired of living in a place where I don't have any friends to just sit with and vent over a glass of wine. Not that I'd be able to find the time to do so, but anyway...

I'm tired of feeling like the staff in the emerg all think I'm incompetent. Part of that might be paranoia, but when you listen to people bitch about their peers for long enough you start to wonder what's being said about YOU behind your back.

I'm just tired.