Time to Fess Up.
I didn't pass. There, I said it. It's official.
I'm okay with it. I know that it was a long shot. It was still a hit to the pride (hell, I think the last time I failed ANY exam I was about 19 years old) but I'm over it. And now I actually feel much better. I'm back to studying, but the stuff I WANT to know... not the stuff I think will be on some stupid exam.
Hopefully, it won't affect my employability. Most people just assume that since I'm not finished residency until December, that I haven't written it yet. I don't correct them.
So where do things stand now? I am 15 emerg shifts away from the end of residency. And in that amount of time, I also have to complete a research project (a study of consultant response times to pages from the ED and how the delay affects ED flow) and complete enough scans to become an independent practitioner of ED Echo.
Oh, and at the same time I'm still working at the clinic, looking for a job and trying to be a mom. Gah.
We're talking to four different communities right now, and visiting three of them next week. I'll keep you posted.
posted by Couz at 7:56 PM
27 Comments:
wish you all the best of luck. Things will work out couz!!
whens the next re-write date?
9:12 PM
I'm sure things will be fine. Lots of people work exclusively in ER in smaller towns without ever taking the exam! Do you plan to re-write it?
7:36 AM
good luck!
5:59 PM
I didn't pass my board exam (not EM) when I took it last year. I had never failed a test before. It was like being punched in the stomach. I bawled like a baby. I was so embarrased but had to tell my boss who had just hired me. Just remember that this has no reflection on your ability as a doc whatsoever. :)
12:58 AM
if its worth anything...i didn't pass my MCAT as well :(
2:28 PM
Sorry to hear that... but glad you're okay with it. Good luck with the job search!
10:20 AM
goodie luckie couzie!
8:16 PM
Sorry you didn't pass, but whatever you do, retake or not, - good luck
10:55 AM
15 more shifts...you're almost there! Sorry to hear about the exam. Things are going to work out for you - can't wait to hear where you're headed!
5:42 PM
Don't worry about it. Remember, John F. Kennedy Jr. supposedly failed the bar exam twice before he passed it and nobody thought any less of him. You're extremely smart and can do 20 things at once--so don't get too much in a hurry or you'll burn yourself out...
8:51 PM
Sorry to hear that, but it doesn't reflect on you as a person or a doctor (just a response on the day of exam, with an almost random set of variables). Hope it all goes well with the job search.
10:07 AM
It takes nothing away from who you are or what you have accomplished.
10:08 PM
success is not given nor is guaranteed...to achieve it u must fight for it..
3:00 AM
amazing stuff thanx :)
4:10 AM
I truly loved reading your post. Thanks!
4:10 PM
Blogs are good for every one where we get lots of information for any topics. Nice tips. Keep it up!
3:20 PM
The positive comments and do well wishes are very motivational and greatly appreciated.
4:59 PM
I understand, I've been through it and once u have jumped thru the hoops, u only have to jump thru more! We, as a group have this insane need to progress rapidly - sometimes at all costs - partly because we have always expected 110% of ourselves, partly because it's expected of us, but, predominantly we don't want to let anybody down - patients, bosses, our family, ourselves. That is a good thing but not if it leads to the breakdown of other, personal achievements - I'm over myself for the moment - competence is preferable to 'brilliance in relative social isolation'
7:05 AM
I just failed too... at making a decision that I thought would be a great one: to work with an amazing person, who turned out to have an avoidant personality disorder, and probably bi-polar mental illness as well. I moved across the country, left all family and friends, to pursue my topic. She strongly suggested for another person to take it up and did not consult with me. I feel like I failed, because I left a great program for this situation, to say the least. Now I have to go back home because of the stress. But I have a job offer, and have more support there, so I feel that the failure I have, is going to turn around soon. The waiting is the hardest part, and I imagine failing your test must have been extremely frustrating, but what I am learning is that the time between failures is when we learn so much more that what we might have learned if we did not fail. Right? I'm still learning, still in limbo between failures...I know there are more to come, but this is making me feel more resilient and able to deal with the failures as they come. Your blog is great, and I hope you are still able to write and express yourself.
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